Peter Kay Karajokey Jokes

February 12, 2004 14:10 by Admin
  • I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
  • I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.
  • My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
  • William Shakespeare walked into a pub. The landlord said, get out, your bard.
  • So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".
  • You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
  • The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
  • I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".
  • So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
  • But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
  • So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.
  • So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
  • So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".
  • He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".
  • So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
  • Four fonts walk into a bar The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
  • A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
  • A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
  • A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
  • A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
  • A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
  • A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
  • How does Bob Marley like his donoughts? - With jam-in!
  • What's black & white and eats like a horse? - A Zebra

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    Categories: Humour
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